If you want to transform a disagreement into an opportunity for connection, you need to distinguish between past, present and future.
Past: Focusing on what did or didn’t happen in the past or what events led to the current situation, usually increases tension and decreases connection.
Present: Shift the focus to “Where are we now?”
Future: What are we trying to accomplish for the future. Where do we want our relationship to be going forward, and what do we need to do, even if we still disagree, to create that future?
This shift in focus likely won’t lead to one being “right” and another being “wrong”, but instead an opportunity to create something new. Perhaps we may find new possibilities that had not been considered before.